Today, on election day, I am struck by how much vulnerability it takes to continue to hope. As humans we have so many ways of shirking from vulnerability. I see it in the therapy room every day—the person who is so afraid to communicate what they need or want for fear that another will not meet their need or worse, not care about a need or want. Another example is the person who craves love but decided somewhere along the line that it was easier to stop trying and not experience the disappointment. These clients found it prudent to stop wanting and stop feeling so naked in their vulnerability. However, other complications arise when you try to shut out vulnerability. . .a numbness, a disconnected feeling which some choose over what can be seen as near constant let down.
On a grand scale, here in the US, many of us settled into not trying and not daring to hope. And why should we? As a population we have twice elected a sex offender and notorious liar to the highest office in the land. We have watched systematically as many rights and freedoms have been destructed by those who roll around in power and wealth like corpulent pigs in mud. The United States of America and its citizens proved ridiculously shortsighted and basically have shown their apathy and greed again, and again, and yet again. Only someone delusional would again step up and hope. And vote. And yet. . .
What do we have to lose by voting? We may be crestfallen or heartbroken again, it’s true. But by not voting, we abdicate our sense of choice and engage in self-censorship. And just like those who come into my office, it’s the self-censorship that is so infinitely destructive. Choosing to make ourselves small out of fear of vulnerability and the fear that this time we will not survive the hurt is a self-betrayal. Those self-betrayals are some of the hardest to overcome.
I teach my clients to lean into their resilience and lean into their own strength. Yeah, you might get your heart broken but you are strong enough to survive heartbreak. You may see the wrong candidate in office but hey, aren’t we already dealing with that? We, collectively, are strong enough. And if you vote, and nothing comes out of it but knowing that you were brave enough to try again that is something, too. The United States has broken each of our hearts so many, many times and some people (immigrants, black people on the backs of whom this country was built, trans youth, native people to name a few) suffered and continue to suffer more from our nation’s hypocrisy. While I cannot fault anyone who has given up, I hope that we can continue to find the courage to believe in the values it promised. . .especially in the face of violence and tyranny.